Hockey Style: A Fashion Crisis on Ice (and in the Hallways of Middle School)
You can spot them from a mile away.
They don’t even have to say a word. The moment they step into the school building, the hockey players announce themselves without even trying or rather, because they’re not trying. At all.
Let’s talk about it: hockey style. Or as I like to call it “What Happens When You Let 12-Year-Old Boys Dress Themselves and Their Only Hobby Is Fighting in Corners.”
The Boston Birkenstocks
Yes, I know Birkenstocks are trendy. But hockey kids? They’ve taken it to a whole new level.
We’re not talking about carefully styled, Pinterest-approved outfits. We’re talking Boston Birks hanging on for dear life to a sockless foot that probably came straight out of a skate boot. Worn in February. With shorts.
There is no weather situation that will stop a hockey player from wearing Birkenstocks. It could be a blizzard. It could be a hurricane. The only question they’ll ask is, “Can I still bring my twig?”
The Hair (Oh, The Hair)
Somewhere along the line, someone told them bleach was cool. Now they all look like 90s boy band rejects who’ve been lost in a locker room for six months. The bleach is always just grown out enough to look like they meant to do it, but not enough to look intentional. Add in the occasional mullet and you're really cooking with gas.
Honestly, the hockey hair phenomenon could be its own sociological study.
And somehow, the worse it looks, the more they love it.
Dri-Fit or Die
Button-down shirt? Never heard of her.
Collared polo? Only if it has the team logo.
No matter the occasion: school, dinner, church, a wedding — you can count on them to wear a Nike Dri-Fit shirt or some Under Armour long sleeve that may or may not smell faintly of a hockey bag. They have dress codes at school, but the hockey kids found the loophole: "performance wear."
Bonus points if it still has last weekend’s Gatorade stain on it.
The Only Sweatshirts They Own
You will never never see a hockey kid wearing a plain sweatshirt. Every single hoodie is either:
From their home hockey organization
From a random tournament in Utah
From a random tournament in Vegas
From a random tournament in somewhere they barely remember but definitely lost in the semifinals
Some of them are three sizes too small because they were from U9. Doesn’t matter. It’s heritage.
Laundry day is basically an archaeology dig through the last six years of tournaments.
Do They Know? Oh, They Know.
Here’s the thing: hockey kids are aware of how they dress. And they don’t care. Because this isn’t fashion, it’s identity. This is how they show the world they eat, sleep, breathe hockey. You want them to wear khakis and a belt? Good luck.
And honestly? Respect.
Because for all the bleach and the stink and the questionably sized footwear, there’s something endearing about how proudly they wear their passion. You always know where they belong on the ice, in the locker room, and yes, walking confidently down the school hallway in socks and slides in the dead of winter.
But maybe, just maybe, for school picture day… we could talk about a collared shirt?
